Following up on my article of two years ago on Christmas gifts for the hard to buy for, here is some ideas on what not to buy–unless they are really hard to buy for. But first, a question:

Q. Why is Santa always so happy?

A. Because he knows where all the bad girls live!

As we get ready for Black Friday, Cyber Monday and the general free-for-all, here are my top 10 bad idea gifts for Christmas 2007. I take no responsibility for anyone who buys things on this list.

10. Giant Microbes. Price: 7.95 - 15.95 plus shipping from GiantMicrobes

This is for the micro-biologist in all of us. We want our children to be smart, right? Why not get them started on the scientific route right away, and ensure that they have no friends while you are at it.

The worst of the bunch is the Clap. Simply awful!

9. Poo-Pooping Santa. Price: $4.89 plus shipping from Prank Place

I’ve always been a fan of funny Christmas items, knick-nacks and the like, but this one goes over the top a bit. In fact, most of the items on that page go over the top. This one isn’t the worst, but it is the most amusing.

8. The Shower TV: Price $1,199 plus $112 for the bracket from EverVue

I don’t know about you, but I think that everyone in my family spends too much time in the show already. Can you imagine the sports fan in your family having this? It has a wireless component that will beam the show to the shower without having to have any cable connection or other messy wires. Now if it only came with videos that made you want to get out of the shower faster.

Of course my 30 minutes in the shower is about perfect, but if anyone else takes more than 10 minutes, they are wasting water.

7. A book on dealing with depression. Price varies

While you may have a depressing friend, giving a them a book on dealing with depression isn’t likely to make them feel better. You may as well give them a CD with Suicide is Painless on it. It is probably going to do as much good.

6. Lice Comb. Price: $14.99 plus shipping from ShopInPrivate

This classic gift will clearly tell your friend or loved one what you think of their hygiene. This is clearly a bad idea if you wish to keep this person around. Or perhaps you don’t want this person around anymore if they really need this item.

5. DVD of Idiocracy.

This is the perfect gift for either a) friends who do not have children, or b) friends who have too many children. You are probably going to insult both types.

On a side note, I found Idiocracy to be a very funny movie. Quite stupid at times, but very, very funny.

4. Hulk Hogan and the Wrestling Boot Band CD. Price: who knows??

Before you make any comments on this one, give a listen. I know, it’s awful, but for the closet WWF maniac, it could be priceless. Of course, if you give this to someone, you’re telling that you believe that they are a WWF maniac, or a closet one. Use with care.

3. Optimus Prime Voice Changer Helmet. Price: $29.99 from lots of places

This is the ideal gift for a guy who is going through that awkward stage where their voice is changing. Or you could give it to someone who has a terrible singing voice–it could make them better! The only problem I see is that you could get confused with a Power Ranger wannabe. If you want to avoid Power Ranger-ness, you could try the Darth Vader one.

2. Blue Man Group Percussion Tubes. Price: $69.99

You have to admit that the Blue Man Group is really cool. This may not be as bad as giving or getting a drum set for the kids, but it is a close shot.

1. 3-D Hangman. Price: $17.98 plus shipping from IWantOneOfThose

As the worst on my list, I think this deserves some explanation. First, hangman has always been a strange idea for a children’s game anyway. If we want to associate bad spelling with death, shouldn’t we have lethal injection instead? Regardless of the euphemism used, it is kind of gory to think about. Then, if this is a children’s toy, it gets difficult when you lose an arm or leg because of being a bad speller, not to mention not keeping the parts of your game together. This is like Operation when you lose a vital organ.

Well, that’s it. I’m sure people disagree with me, so feel free to send me your own.